Another Big Change of Plans: Choosing Love Over Fear

Well this COVID-19 pandemic has been rather hard to predict and I've found myself once again revising my plans. In the past two months or so I’ve changed my life plans several times—- and that would have been unimaginable for me pre-pandemic. But this whole global conundrum has my knickers in a twist, so to speak.

Many or most of us have had their lives turned upside down in a matter of a few days, once the pandemic set in in mid-March . I find myself trying to second guess and imagine what’s going to happen in the year ahead, what our daily life will look like, what work opportunities may arise. I’m a planner and not being able to plan makes me feel anxious and ungrounded.

I’ve been working on letting go of the anxiety around that, so I can adapt and go with the flow. It seemed like the flow was leading me to stay in Thailand for an extended period of time. And then there was a big blockade that threw everything off the rails and made it necessary for me to return to LA. Unfortunately, I have to handle some difficult business with someone back home who has been taking advantage of the fact that I’m stuck in Thailand, and wreaking havoc for everyone around, particularly me. I’m not even going to talk about it yet here but it would make a very good screenplay for a psychological thriller/suspense movie!

The pandemic is already shaping up much differently than I imagined a few months ago when I thought I’d wait it out in Thailand. I originally thought I'd be able to lay low here for a couple of months and then be able to travel in Asia, visit home maybe for the holidays. But things are shaking out differently in ways I couldn't have anticipated. It sounds like now like we will globally be on lock down until there's a vaccine-- and that's a long time to wait in isolation in a foreign place.

After much soul searching I've determined it's best to move back home to LA and try to figure out things from there. Although it's sparsely populated and beautiful here, I'm aching to be home with my close friends, my love and my family, in my own home. Loneliness and isolation has taken a toll, and it's not good for me emotionally while I'm recovering from cancer.

I've been job hunting for jobs in LA and trying to manifest a better situation for myself. All ideas and suggestions are welcome!

I'm really not sure what the future holds, and I understand that COVID is changing our lives, particularly for people living in densely populated areas, but I'm going to take my chances. Choosing LOVE over FEAR.

Peace out!